Friday, October 28, 2011

Why am I Here?

I have been asking myself this question for some time now. Why am I here? And by here, I don't mean here, in this first blog, or on this webpage built for me. I mean Here, in this universe, in this life. 

Here is a wonderful, beautiful place. So many mysteries, and questions. So much to do, see, experience and ponder. Here is also a tragic place. Hurt, war, death, and more questions.

My place in Here so far has been as a woman, as a mother, as a low-income wage earner. I have battled many hard circumstances. I've been a teen mom, a drug addict, an abused wife, a divorcee, and now a single mom of 4. I've loved hard, lived hard, played hard...and bear the scars to prove it. 

And yet, despite my beautiful children, my job, my soul-mate (who is neither the abuser nor the divorced), my home, and my cat, I still feel a void. Something is missing. 

Once every few months, I get this overwhelming lost feeling. I know I'm missing a piece of my life's puzzle. I know there is something I am supposed to be doing. I just don't know what. Then I agonize for a few days, maybe a week, and then Life happens, ya know? Work keeps me busy, the garbage has to be taken out, the kids need dinner, and sleep must come at some point. And the nagging feelings fade away, into the back of my mind. Only to reappear again at a later time.

I plan to figure it out, what my purpose is, why I'm Here. I'm going to sort it out like a puzzle, hence why I'm here. 
I'm committing to the pursuit of my photography, in hopes I can both better my talent and find the satisfaction I crave in that puzzle piece. I'm investigating ways I can volunteer, give back to the community. I'm going to explore the mental side as well...the questions that haunt me. And I do believe this blog will also serve as one part of this puzzle...a way to both detail my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, and the rest of what makes my life complete. 

I'm sure you'll get the occasional dinner recipe, dirty-faced child snapshot, and mom-brags. I hope I am able to give more.